I have been watching about a week of World Cup games -- Ok, bits and pieces of games. I wondered what it would be like if the "Wise Guy" came up with a Dream Team. Yes, I spoke in the third person (Ricky is my favorite all-time baseball player.)
I would not pick the obvious ones in their prime that most soccer aficianados would use: Pele, Maradonna, Ronaldo, Baggio or any other Futbol superstar. I would use players from other (real) sports.
First, I would need a coach. After many hours...ok, minutes, I came up with the perfect coach. Lou Panella! "Why," you ask? Because if we scored a goal and the ref took it away, I would want Lou to storm the field, yelling and cussing at the official, then walk to the corner flag, pull it and fire it back at the ref. You know he would! Then he would walk to his side line and throw every ball, water bottle, and anything else he could find onto the field. I don't think they would rule against my team anymore. For this to happen once I would have the Oakland Raider D-Line. What other team in the last 10 years had more offsides calls against it than the Raiders?
I noticed all the flops, and I would need the world's greatest flopper of all time. Yes! Vlade. He would revolutionize the way soccer players flopped! If the wind changed directions, Valde would be on the ground.
With all of yellow and red cards, I would take a line shift with the Anaheim Ducks. No team in the NHL had more major penalties, and the third most minutes in the box. If one of these guys got a red card, I'm sure the player they hit would not wake up 'til next week.
Goalie? Who else would the "Wise Guy" put in the goal other than Ray Lewis (LB...Ravens). Do you actually think anyone would kick, throw, or even look at him while he is in the goal? I don't think so. I would not need defenders.
For throw-ins, I would use Stephen Strasburg. He would fire the ball down field about 102 mph. On the receiving end, no one other than Larry Fitzgerald. He would then pass it to Kobe who would dribble down and score a goal. In World Cup Soccer a single goal will win about 95% of the game, but you know Kobe would drop "40" on the French...30 on any of the favorites, but I hate the French!
With all these fine athletes I would need a trainer and conditioning coach. I would hire Bill Romanowski and Jose Canseco. My team would never have any down time, but they would be a little short in other areas.
I would have Reggie Bush as our travel director. We could stay in South Africa or any other World Cup city for 4 weeks, or years, without paying a cent out-of-pocket. Speaking of college football, I would hire Mack Brown as our team spokesman so he could whine and cry about our seeding and then lobby to change it. After the change I would fire him ... I really hate Mack Brown.
Cheerleaders ... yes! Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders for most of the games, and the Raiderettes for those matches against the English. I would fly the Black Hole in for that one. They would make the English hooligans look like Sally Field in the Flying Nun.
I would have my high school bud, Tony, BBQ for the team ... have you seen the pictures on Facebook? I'm getting hungry again!
And, finally, I would hire Lionel Richie to entertain my fans, the Brazilians. You know we would party "all night long." I'm now dancing!!!
World Cup Dream Team, "Wise Guy" Style!
Go Team USA! I'm still holding onto the bumper with my skateboard (bandwagon).
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
I was only about 150 years too late ... Futbal
With the start of the World Cup, I can't help flashing back to that one special day back in 1975.
As a young boy growing up in the Bay Area in the 70's, our home was dominated by big three in sports. What three, you ask? Nascar, Golf and Hockey ... oops, wrong post. Football, basketball and baseball. I learned that sports were more than just the love for the game -- it was passion you had for your team. I lived in a home where the Raiders, Warriors and A's ruled the roost. Naturally, I grew up a Cowboys and Laker fan. I was an A's fan, probably because they won a lot when I was little and my Dad would let us skip school so we could go to playoff games and World Championship parades, but looking back I think I needed a reason for my family to keep me around.
I was usually thrown out of the house every Sunday in the fall, normally for about three hours. Yes, I rooted hard for any team playing the Raiders, and it never took long for me to get the boot. I was always welcomed back home with open arms soon after the game.
It was one of those Sundays after getting the boot back in '75 that I was milling around in my front yard and found a can. It was an Olympia beer can. Yes! Olympia beer. Lucky Lager only came in bottles. I started kicking this can around. I thought, "Maybe I can dribble it like in basketball, but with my feet." I was running around the neighborhood kicking this can. Up and down the street I went for what seemed like hours.
My older brother's friends came out on their bikes, riding in front of me yelling at me, throwing "Mike & Ikes," trying to mess me up. I thought they were a bunch of hooligans. Soon my Dad came out and said to me, "Son, you can come in now." I looked at some of the younger neighborhood kids and told them that I was going to dribble that can down to the gutter and kick it in so I could score a point and win the game I'd just invented. There were about 8 boys watching, and they ran to the curb waiting for me to come down and score. I remember right before I took the shot, looking up and seeing the boys pushing and shoving each other off that curb because they didn't have enough room to stand. I shot and scored ... game over!
As I laid in bed that night I thought about the game I had just created. My mind was going a mile a minute. What if I used a round ball instead of a can? It could be played anywhere. Grass, dirt, and/or pavement. I could use giant hockey goals. The teams would have to go back and fourth for a couple of hours before one team would be allowed to score. Because no one scored, I could have rowdy fans ... call them hooligans and have them throw anything they wanted at opposing players. It could be played on a very small, enclosed field where there wasn't enough room for fans to watch so they would have to fight to get in. It would be a sport for those kids that couldn't hit or catch a baseball; dribble, make a basket, or throw; catch, run or tackle ... football. Remember, this was the 70's and we had 7-Up (the un-cola) and I created this game that was the un-sport. The following Saturday, I was watching the Wide World of Sports and they were showing this game from England called "soccer." It was exactly like the sport I thought I created. I thought about the age of the earth, and realized I was only an eyelash from inventing my new sport.
World Cup starts today and just like in years past, I will put on my Red, White and Blue colors to show support for Team USA, but I'm once again pulling for that team from Brazil. I remember Stanfurd (Cal fans spell it that way) stadium in '94. Those fans really know how to party.
"Wise Guy"
As a young boy growing up in the Bay Area in the 70's, our home was dominated by big three in sports. What three, you ask? Nascar, Golf and Hockey ... oops, wrong post. Football, basketball and baseball. I learned that sports were more than just the love for the game -- it was passion you had for your team. I lived in a home where the Raiders, Warriors and A's ruled the roost. Naturally, I grew up a Cowboys and Laker fan. I was an A's fan, probably because they won a lot when I was little and my Dad would let us skip school so we could go to playoff games and World Championship parades, but looking back I think I needed a reason for my family to keep me around.
I was usually thrown out of the house every Sunday in the fall, normally for about three hours. Yes, I rooted hard for any team playing the Raiders, and it never took long for me to get the boot. I was always welcomed back home with open arms soon after the game.
It was one of those Sundays after getting the boot back in '75 that I was milling around in my front yard and found a can. It was an Olympia beer can. Yes! Olympia beer. Lucky Lager only came in bottles. I started kicking this can around. I thought, "Maybe I can dribble it like in basketball, but with my feet." I was running around the neighborhood kicking this can. Up and down the street I went for what seemed like hours.
My older brother's friends came out on their bikes, riding in front of me yelling at me, throwing "Mike & Ikes," trying to mess me up. I thought they were a bunch of hooligans. Soon my Dad came out and said to me, "Son, you can come in now." I looked at some of the younger neighborhood kids and told them that I was going to dribble that can down to the gutter and kick it in so I could score a point and win the game I'd just invented. There were about 8 boys watching, and they ran to the curb waiting for me to come down and score. I remember right before I took the shot, looking up and seeing the boys pushing and shoving each other off that curb because they didn't have enough room to stand. I shot and scored ... game over!
As I laid in bed that night I thought about the game I had just created. My mind was going a mile a minute. What if I used a round ball instead of a can? It could be played anywhere. Grass, dirt, and/or pavement. I could use giant hockey goals. The teams would have to go back and fourth for a couple of hours before one team would be allowed to score. Because no one scored, I could have rowdy fans ... call them hooligans and have them throw anything they wanted at opposing players. It could be played on a very small, enclosed field where there wasn't enough room for fans to watch so they would have to fight to get in. It would be a sport for those kids that couldn't hit or catch a baseball; dribble, make a basket, or throw; catch, run or tackle ... football. Remember, this was the 70's and we had 7-Up (the un-cola) and I created this game that was the un-sport. The following Saturday, I was watching the Wide World of Sports and they were showing this game from England called "soccer." It was exactly like the sport I thought I created. I thought about the age of the earth, and realized I was only an eyelash from inventing my new sport.
World Cup starts today and just like in years past, I will put on my Red, White and Blue colors to show support for Team USA, but I'm once again pulling for that team from Brazil. I remember Stanfurd (Cal fans spell it that way) stadium in '94. Those fans really know how to party.
"Wise Guy"
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Three Blind Mice (four in the MLB)
I'm sure most of you saw the call made by Jim Joyce that cost Armando Galarroga a place in baseball history by throwing the 21st perfect game in over 120 years of baseball.
As a fan of baseball, I am disappointed any time a call goes against a player and blows his chance at history, unless he plays his home games in San Francisco.
As an umpire who has umped hundreds of games, I'm really disappointed with all the "Monday Morning Umpires." It is easy to make a call when you have 7 different camera angles, and can take a play that takes about 6 seconds from contact to the ball in the glove. ESPN shows it in "super slow mo" and it takes about 15 seconds, and then freezes the frame at the point of contact with the bag. The umpire, in that 6 seconds, has to move from his position up the 1st baseline, running in about 25-30 feet at a 45 degree angle to get in the proper position, while picking up the ball and following it from throw to glove, while watching the batter's feet hit the bag, AND while listening to the pop of the glove. Then you add the fact that the pitcher is running to the bag as he catches it, and in fast motion the difference between safe and out is about 3/10th of a second. Jim has about a second to react, and a second to make the call. I applaud Jim for coming out and saying that he is sorry he blew the call that cost Armando a perfect game. Jim is one of the best umps in the majors, and he shouldn't have to see three different segments on Sports Center each hour about the call. I like the way ESPN gets an old manager and a front office guy to talk about how bad the call was, and how they need replay. Do you believe any manager would ever come to the defense of an umpire? Hey, manager or front office guy ,there is a reason that you're on TV and not still with a team ... YOU WERE FIRED!!!
There aren't anymore questionable calls to date this year than any other years, but you wouldn't know it listening to a Sports Center anchor who has never participated in any sport above high school level. You just have more cameras at more games looking for those calls to put on highlight reels.
The human factor has been part of the game, and always will be. The MLB umpires are the very best at what they do. You have to remember that they are human too!
We just need to hear more "Good Game Blue."
The Sports Wise Guy
As a fan of baseball, I am disappointed any time a call goes against a player and blows his chance at history, unless he plays his home games in San Francisco.
As an umpire who has umped hundreds of games, I'm really disappointed with all the "Monday Morning Umpires." It is easy to make a call when you have 7 different camera angles, and can take a play that takes about 6 seconds from contact to the ball in the glove. ESPN shows it in "super slow mo" and it takes about 15 seconds, and then freezes the frame at the point of contact with the bag. The umpire, in that 6 seconds, has to move from his position up the 1st baseline, running in about 25-30 feet at a 45 degree angle to get in the proper position, while picking up the ball and following it from throw to glove, while watching the batter's feet hit the bag, AND while listening to the pop of the glove. Then you add the fact that the pitcher is running to the bag as he catches it, and in fast motion the difference between safe and out is about 3/10th of a second. Jim has about a second to react, and a second to make the call. I applaud Jim for coming out and saying that he is sorry he blew the call that cost Armando a perfect game. Jim is one of the best umps in the majors, and he shouldn't have to see three different segments on Sports Center each hour about the call. I like the way ESPN gets an old manager and a front office guy to talk about how bad the call was, and how they need replay. Do you believe any manager would ever come to the defense of an umpire? Hey, manager or front office guy ,there is a reason that you're on TV and not still with a team ... YOU WERE FIRED!!!
There aren't anymore questionable calls to date this year than any other years, but you wouldn't know it listening to a Sports Center anchor who has never participated in any sport above high school level. You just have more cameras at more games looking for those calls to put on highlight reels.
The human factor has been part of the game, and always will be. The MLB umpires are the very best at what they do. You have to remember that they are human too!
We just need to hear more "Good Game Blue."
The Sports Wise Guy
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Say it ain't so Joe ... So Joe!!!
The past couple of weeks there have been rumblings about players and teams stealing signs from opposing teams. I don't know why this was even a story, because this has been going on for over 100 years. It got me thinking about why steriods was such a big deal, especially when you look at baseball as a whole.
Baseball has always been the one sport where players tried to gain an advantage whenever they could, legal or not. The reward for such behavior for some was the Hall of Fame. Don Drysdale and Don Sutton were caught rubbing vasoline on baseballs. The Niekro brothers were tossed for using the fingernail file. Gaylord Parry hid the vasoline on his zipper because the ump would never check there.
Batters using the corked bat. See Sammy Sosa, Albert Bell and Chris Sabo. It seems that as long as you can get away with it, it's ok.
Ty Cobb sharpened his cleats to a point so that when he slid into a base his intent was to come up high and cut the fielder. These are all forms of cheating. Runners on second base try to steal signs and relay them to the batter. The Greatest HR ever --Bobby Thompson -- was tipped off by a guy with bionoculars in the centerfield scoreboard.
Why is the infield grass at Dodger stadium 1 1/2" higher than that of Fenway Park's? It benefits the pitcher by slowing the ball down and has the opposite effect in Fenway. Why are all new stadiums built with a short fence that benifits their slugger? It is all about having an unfair advantage.
These are just a few examples of widespead cheating that have always existed, and always will. This takes us to the Peds (performance enhancers). Why is it considered acceptable for a player who is losing his vision or wants to improve what God gave him to undergo lasik surgery? But if a player took Peds for a quicker recovery, so that he is able to play longer, or keep his body fresh, that is not ok. I see them both as cheating. He has 20-20 vision and with surgery has 20-15 or 20-10. There is now talk that medicine prescribed for people with ADD/ADHD helps batters concentrate when they are at bat. There has been a very high percentage of high school and college baseball players being diagnosed with this disability.
I'm sick and tired of old timers complaining about how they would never have taken roids or other Peds. Do you think Mickey Mantel would have taken it to help get him back on the field? You bet your ass he would. He took anything and everything to get him back on the field, including horse tranquilizers ... probably a steriod. You think the Great Bambino would have said no if he knew he could stick it to the Yankees by hitting 30-40 HRs after the Yankees dumped him? I don't believe the Bash Brothers were the first. I'm sure Peds were around probably 20 years before. See the Olympic athletes from eastern block countries in the late 60'- thru today. Are you naive enough to believe that none of those drugs found baseball players in the 70's? Of course they did, but no one knew anything about it.
I am in no way condoning the use of Peds in any sport, but I am tired of baseball claiming that their sport was pure before the steriod era. Hey Commish, there was never a problem with speed/uppers in the 60's and 70's, or Coke (blow) in the 80's, right? So the next time you hear about Mac, Clemons, Raffy, Sammy or any other Juicer, just remenber this ... it's just baseball!!
The Sports Wise Guy
Baseball has always been the one sport where players tried to gain an advantage whenever they could, legal or not. The reward for such behavior for some was the Hall of Fame. Don Drysdale and Don Sutton were caught rubbing vasoline on baseballs. The Niekro brothers were tossed for using the fingernail file. Gaylord Parry hid the vasoline on his zipper because the ump would never check there.
Batters using the corked bat. See Sammy Sosa, Albert Bell and Chris Sabo. It seems that as long as you can get away with it, it's ok.
Ty Cobb sharpened his cleats to a point so that when he slid into a base his intent was to come up high and cut the fielder. These are all forms of cheating. Runners on second base try to steal signs and relay them to the batter. The Greatest HR ever --Bobby Thompson -- was tipped off by a guy with bionoculars in the centerfield scoreboard.
Why is the infield grass at Dodger stadium 1 1/2" higher than that of Fenway Park's? It benefits the pitcher by slowing the ball down and has the opposite effect in Fenway. Why are all new stadiums built with a short fence that benifits their slugger? It is all about having an unfair advantage.
These are just a few examples of widespead cheating that have always existed, and always will. This takes us to the Peds (performance enhancers). Why is it considered acceptable for a player who is losing his vision or wants to improve what God gave him to undergo lasik surgery? But if a player took Peds for a quicker recovery, so that he is able to play longer, or keep his body fresh, that is not ok. I see them both as cheating. He has 20-20 vision and with surgery has 20-15 or 20-10. There is now talk that medicine prescribed for people with ADD/ADHD helps batters concentrate when they are at bat. There has been a very high percentage of high school and college baseball players being diagnosed with this disability.
I'm sick and tired of old timers complaining about how they would never have taken roids or other Peds. Do you think Mickey Mantel would have taken it to help get him back on the field? You bet your ass he would. He took anything and everything to get him back on the field, including horse tranquilizers ... probably a steriod. You think the Great Bambino would have said no if he knew he could stick it to the Yankees by hitting 30-40 HRs after the Yankees dumped him? I don't believe the Bash Brothers were the first. I'm sure Peds were around probably 20 years before. See the Olympic athletes from eastern block countries in the late 60'- thru today. Are you naive enough to believe that none of those drugs found baseball players in the 70's? Of course they did, but no one knew anything about it.
I am in no way condoning the use of Peds in any sport, but I am tired of baseball claiming that their sport was pure before the steriod era. Hey Commish, there was never a problem with speed/uppers in the 60's and 70's, or Coke (blow) in the 80's, right? So the next time you hear about Mac, Clemons, Raffy, Sammy or any other Juicer, just remenber this ... it's just baseball!!
The Sports Wise Guy
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