I recently read that Ken Williams, the GM of the Chicago White Sox,told a sports network that paying 30 million per season for one player is "asinine." Ken said that if the owner gave him 30 million to spend on one player, he would not do it. I would spend that money on players, not just one player. That would be the smart move if your name was Billy Beane, but it's not! Your name is Ken Williams. I will tell you what is asinine. How about spending 27 million a year for the next 4 years on two guys named Konerko and Dunn. Yes, one is past his prime and the other strikes out more than a fat kid at a cheerleader camp.
Asinine? How about your manager, Ozzie Guillen. He is the Milton Bradley of MLB managers. Asinine? How about your owner, Jerry Reinsdorf, breaking up the Chicago Bulls right after they won their 6th title.
Asinine? How about paying a movie star 20 million for one crappy mover after another. Asinine is paying Ryan Seacrest 15 million to do whatever it is he does.
Someone is going to make 30 million a year and asinine would be if it is anyone other than Albert Pujols, a three-time MVP just hitting his prime. Asinine is the fact that A-Rod has been paid 33 million each of the last two years.
Maybe the fact that I'm doing this post is asinine!
"Wise Guy"
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Cookie Monsters ...
Just like the 80's movie where a paperboy stalks John Cusack seeking the $2 that is owed him, I have been haunted by the same feeling that someone is following me for my money.
Austin must have the most drug stores per capita in the nation, maybe the world. They seem to be on every corner. There is always a different reason to stop by one. This is a good thing 11 months a year. It's the 12th month that gets me.
Case in point. I was headed to my sons' baseball practice last night, and right before we got to the fields my boys told me they needed sports drinks. No worries; there's a drug store right on the corner! As I pull into the parking lot, my car got really cold and the windows began to fog. I broke out in a cold sweat as I got out of the car. I could feel five sets of eyes looking at me. I kept my head down, and raced into the store. I made it! As I walked to the back of the store to get the drinks, I told myself the real test would be leaving the store, and getting to my car. There have been too many people that have tried and not made it, but I kept telling myself, "Today is my day, and I will make it."
I purchased the drinks, and waited for the right time to leave the store. Like a divine intervention, two elderly women were headed out. Here's the chance I'd been waiting for! I ducked behind the ladies, broke hard right, and started to run. Like something out of a Hitchcock movie, I felt like there wee birds chasing me. As I got to a clearing and saw my car, I pumped my fist in celebration. I made it! That's when I heard it. Like a salvo being fired overhead, "Sir, would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?"
Determined not to give up, I walked to the table and told the girls that I purchased 15 boxes of cookies and my wife told me if I bought another she would make me sleep outside, and I'm afraid of the dark. That's when the smallest and youngest girl said, "Sir, you don't have to buy anymore cookies. You can just donate the two dollars."
I told my boys they had to walk to practice, and I spent the next two hours helping the girls sell the cookies. You know the old saying, "If you can't beat 'em ..."
Wise Guy
Austin must have the most drug stores per capita in the nation, maybe the world. They seem to be on every corner. There is always a different reason to stop by one. This is a good thing 11 months a year. It's the 12th month that gets me.
Case in point. I was headed to my sons' baseball practice last night, and right before we got to the fields my boys told me they needed sports drinks. No worries; there's a drug store right on the corner! As I pull into the parking lot, my car got really cold and the windows began to fog. I broke out in a cold sweat as I got out of the car. I could feel five sets of eyes looking at me. I kept my head down, and raced into the store. I made it! As I walked to the back of the store to get the drinks, I told myself the real test would be leaving the store, and getting to my car. There have been too many people that have tried and not made it, but I kept telling myself, "Today is my day, and I will make it."
I purchased the drinks, and waited for the right time to leave the store. Like a divine intervention, two elderly women were headed out. Here's the chance I'd been waiting for! I ducked behind the ladies, broke hard right, and started to run. Like something out of a Hitchcock movie, I felt like there wee birds chasing me. As I got to a clearing and saw my car, I pumped my fist in celebration. I made it! That's when I heard it. Like a salvo being fired overhead, "Sir, would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?"
Determined not to give up, I walked to the table and told the girls that I purchased 15 boxes of cookies and my wife told me if I bought another she would make me sleep outside, and I'm afraid of the dark. That's when the smallest and youngest girl said, "Sir, you don't have to buy anymore cookies. You can just donate the two dollars."
I told my boys they had to walk to practice, and I spent the next two hours helping the girls sell the cookies. You know the old saying, "If you can't beat 'em ..."
Wise Guy
Friday, February 4, 2011
Ice Bowl II ... Texas Style!
It's been a great year, so here is a "Super" toast to all of you (or to the one guy who has clicked my blog a few thousand times), and the 12 people in China who follow me.
Ice Bowl II ... Texas Style!
Here we are in Green Bay, Wisconsin. The frozen tundra! Super Bowl XLV. Knoll vs. Lombardi, Star vs. Bradshaw, Harris vs. Hornung, Steel Curtain vs. ... Oops! Sorry everyone. I was playing Madden 2011 (the old-timer's game) with my boys and just got carried away.
Yes, it is Super Bowl XlV. We have the two most storied franchises not named the Dallas Cowboys. Steelers vs. Packers, who just happen to be playing at Cowboys Stadium.
Props to Jerry Jones. Who else besides PT Barnum could pull this off? The biggest story the past 2 weeks has not been anything about the participants, it's been the Dallas snow storm.
As I watch today's game, here are my top 10 questions:
1. Will Aaron Rodgers break the curse of the Cal QB in the Super Bowl (o-4)?
2. Will Clay Mathews be Head & Shoulders above Tory Palamalu?
3. Will we see a Packers fan wear string cheese on his head ... Reggae style cheese head?
4. Will we see the steel curtain or one that's titanium alloy?
5. Will Mr. Goodell be handing James Harris a check, or a fine after today's game?
6. By game's end, will a Bishop be bigger than a Pope?
7. Since Jerry owns everything in Dallas, will we see him on the side lines hugging players from the winning team?
8. If the Steelers win, why would they want a Lombardi trophy?
9. With an Aaron Rodgers victory, does Chico become the party capital once again?
10. Do you think the Niners and the Raiders would like a mulligan with their draft picks in 2005? Alex Smith #1, and Fabian Washington #23.
Two quotes I would love to hear after the game, but won't:
"Big Ben, you have just won the Super Bowl. What are going to do next?" Ben: "I'm going to star in the next edition of "Girls Gone Wild!"
"Aaron Rodgers, you have just won the Super Bowl. What are you going to do next?" Aaron: "I'm going back to Cal for my senior year!"
"Wise Guy"
Ice Bowl II ... Texas Style!
Here we are in Green Bay, Wisconsin. The frozen tundra! Super Bowl XLV. Knoll vs. Lombardi, Star vs. Bradshaw, Harris vs. Hornung, Steel Curtain vs. ... Oops! Sorry everyone. I was playing Madden 2011 (the old-timer's game) with my boys and just got carried away.
Yes, it is Super Bowl XlV. We have the two most storied franchises not named the Dallas Cowboys. Steelers vs. Packers, who just happen to be playing at Cowboys Stadium.
Props to Jerry Jones. Who else besides PT Barnum could pull this off? The biggest story the past 2 weeks has not been anything about the participants, it's been the Dallas snow storm.
As I watch today's game, here are my top 10 questions:
1. Will Aaron Rodgers break the curse of the Cal QB in the Super Bowl (o-4)?
2. Will Clay Mathews be Head & Shoulders above Tory Palamalu?
3. Will we see a Packers fan wear string cheese on his head ... Reggae style cheese head?
4. Will we see the steel curtain or one that's titanium alloy?
5. Will Mr. Goodell be handing James Harris a check, or a fine after today's game?
6. By game's end, will a Bishop be bigger than a Pope?
7. Since Jerry owns everything in Dallas, will we see him on the side lines hugging players from the winning team?
8. If the Steelers win, why would they want a Lombardi trophy?
9. With an Aaron Rodgers victory, does Chico become the party capital once again?
10. Do you think the Niners and the Raiders would like a mulligan with their draft picks in 2005? Alex Smith #1, and Fabian Washington #23.
Two quotes I would love to hear after the game, but won't:
"Big Ben, you have just won the Super Bowl. What are going to do next?" Ben: "I'm going to star in the next edition of "Girls Gone Wild!"
"Aaron Rodgers, you have just won the Super Bowl. What are you going to do next?" Aaron: "I'm going back to Cal for my senior year!"
"Wise Guy"
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Da Bear ...
Remembering the old Saturday Night Live skit, I dropped the "s". Why? I don't need to cheer for a whole roster of players, I just need to pull for one.
Which one? The only one that matters! I've been to Chicago a few times and I love the city, but I have never seen a bear outside of the city zoo. I imagine that bear came from out of state. Like the city zoo, I, too, will be cheering for a bear from out of state. This one just happens to be a golden one named Aaron.
So here is a pre-game toast to all you "Mike Ditka" drinking and "Refrigerator Perry" eating Chicago Bears fans. Enjoy it while it lasts, which should be around kick-off time. Aaron, I will have your toast here in Dallas. Welcome to Super Bowl XLV.
Oops, I forgot! There is another bear I missed. This one goes by the name of Desmond. As I put on my Cal hat for today's game, lets all yell out "Go Bears." Yes, the ones from Berkeley!
Wise Guy
Which one? The only one that matters! I've been to Chicago a few times and I love the city, but I have never seen a bear outside of the city zoo. I imagine that bear came from out of state. Like the city zoo, I, too, will be cheering for a bear from out of state. This one just happens to be a golden one named Aaron.
So here is a pre-game toast to all you "Mike Ditka" drinking and "Refrigerator Perry" eating Chicago Bears fans. Enjoy it while it lasts, which should be around kick-off time. Aaron, I will have your toast here in Dallas. Welcome to Super Bowl XLV.
Oops, I forgot! There is another bear I missed. This one goes by the name of Desmond. As I put on my Cal hat for today's game, lets all yell out "Go Bears." Yes, the ones from Berkeley!
Wise Guy
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Room with a view ... (SF Giants)
*I wrote this the day of the parade but decided to wait to post it. With the sports year coming to an end, the time is now right.
I awoke to a cold, dreary morning here in Austin, Texas. As I laid in bed staring out the window, I wondered how a world class city like San Francisco would celebrate what many, many Giants' fans thought may never happen: A World Championship Parade for the Giants. I wondered how the Giants' station (KNBR) would cover such an event, and finally how the fans would react to the realization that their team won the World Championship.
I spent the better part of the morning listening to KNBR. First, Murph and Mac, and then Gary. There was some giddy up in their tone as they all spoke about the many good times, as well as the bad times, the Giants and their fans have had these past 53 years. At 1:00 pm Central time I turned on the TV and did what I have been doing for the past 25+ years: I watched the Championship Parade. But this time it was different. Yes, it was northern California, but it was San Francisco, not Oakland. It was a warm sunny day in the "City." It was a perfect way to end what Giants' fans believe to be the perfect season. I watched as over one million fans lined the streets of San Francisco, and cheered as their beloved Giants rode by on floats, trolleys, or in convertibles. It brought back many, many happy thoughts I had as a child going to this type of celebration with my Dad and two older brothers. Those were times I cherish, just like many fathers and sons will after me.
As the formal celebration concluded at City Hall, I realized this celebration was more than just a celebration for the Giants and their fans, but also a celebration for all of northern California. As a Bay Area guy and northern Californian for 46 years, I was a proud man. So here's a toast to all my close friends, family, and the rest of the Giants' fans that I have gone out of my way to insult. Your team did it! I will now say what I told you I would never say:
The San Francisco Giants ... 2010 World Champions! Eating crow is a lot easier than eating armadillo.
"Wise Guy"
I awoke to a cold, dreary morning here in Austin, Texas. As I laid in bed staring out the window, I wondered how a world class city like San Francisco would celebrate what many, many Giants' fans thought may never happen: A World Championship Parade for the Giants. I wondered how the Giants' station (KNBR) would cover such an event, and finally how the fans would react to the realization that their team won the World Championship.
I spent the better part of the morning listening to KNBR. First, Murph and Mac, and then Gary. There was some giddy up in their tone as they all spoke about the many good times, as well as the bad times, the Giants and their fans have had these past 53 years. At 1:00 pm Central time I turned on the TV and did what I have been doing for the past 25+ years: I watched the Championship Parade. But this time it was different. Yes, it was northern California, but it was San Francisco, not Oakland. It was a warm sunny day in the "City." It was a perfect way to end what Giants' fans believe to be the perfect season. I watched as over one million fans lined the streets of San Francisco, and cheered as their beloved Giants rode by on floats, trolleys, or in convertibles. It brought back many, many happy thoughts I had as a child going to this type of celebration with my Dad and two older brothers. Those were times I cherish, just like many fathers and sons will after me.
As the formal celebration concluded at City Hall, I realized this celebration was more than just a celebration for the Giants and their fans, but also a celebration for all of northern California. As a Bay Area guy and northern Californian for 46 years, I was a proud man. So here's a toast to all my close friends, family, and the rest of the Giants' fans that I have gone out of my way to insult. Your team did it! I will now say what I told you I would never say:
The San Francisco Giants ... 2010 World Champions! Eating crow is a lot easier than eating armadillo.
"Wise Guy"
Monday, November 1, 2010
Hamster ...
Just like a hamster on a wheel, after every loss Wade Phillips just keeps saying the same thing OVER and OVER again. Wade says, "I don't know what else I can do. If I did, I would have done it already." I know what you can do! Leave the Cowboys.
Hey Jerry, I don't know if you know this, but you own a football team. May I suggest you sell the team so you can have the stadium to yourself?
I was asked this morning, "Hey, Wise Guy, are your Cowboys ever going to win another game?" My reply? "Yes! Just as soon as your Longhorns win a home game!"
I know Halloween was yesterday, but the Vikings got tricked, not treated, earlier this month when they traded for Randy Moss. There is a rumor out there that the Bengals want to sign Randy.
After the past 2 weeks, I'm wondering where did you put the Oakland Raiders?
If football were more like the Senior PGA Tour, Brett Favre would be able to play with a cart.
Last, but least ... The reason we sent the Niners/Broncos across the pond to play a football game was the NFL needed to make sure we had a game that was just as exciting as European Soccer.
"Wise Guy"
Hey Jerry, I don't know if you know this, but you own a football team. May I suggest you sell the team so you can have the stadium to yourself?
I was asked this morning, "Hey, Wise Guy, are your Cowboys ever going to win another game?" My reply? "Yes! Just as soon as your Longhorns win a home game!"
I know Halloween was yesterday, but the Vikings got tricked, not treated, earlier this month when they traded for Randy Moss. There is a rumor out there that the Bengals want to sign Randy.
After the past 2 weeks, I'm wondering where did you put the Oakland Raiders?
If football were more like the Senior PGA Tour, Brett Favre would be able to play with a cart.
Last, but least ... The reason we sent the Niners/Broncos across the pond to play a football game was the NFL needed to make sure we had a game that was just as exciting as European Soccer.
"Wise Guy"
Friday, October 29, 2010
Please don't feed the Bears ... was Yogi on the bus?
Hey, night club owner, if a motor coach pulls up in front of your club on a Monday night with 25 or so NFL players from your home town, and the first two guys off the bus are Brian Urlacher and Lance Briggs, please let them in. I don't know if you're aware that we are right in the middle of a recession. Who knows? If you take care of these guys you may get repeat business. There is a caveat. If that bus is carrying the Cincinnati Bengals, or you own a strip club and Pacman Jones is the first to walk off the bus, I suggest a "Closed for Remodeling" sign at the door.
Quick hits ...
I know that I don't give the Big 10 and 12 (soon to be 10) much love, but do you honestly think Michigan State and Missouri are the 5th and 6th best teams in the country? I know you're smarter than that, and will take the home dogs in both games.
Big Pac-10 game this weekend. No! Not the Cal/Oregon State game. The USC/Oregon game! Now just think if Petey were still at USC. Would this game be the battle of the undefeated and these teams currently be two, top five teams in the AP? Ducks win it late. Lane hasn't proven he can win a close one (see Stanfurd and Washington).
Speaking of Bears, Riley will return to form on the road and Cal will lose a close one. Yes! They lose on one of his picks.
The Giants are half-way there. Anyone know where I can purchase a Giants hat?
"Wise Guy"
Quick hits ...
I know that I don't give the Big 10 and 12 (soon to be 10) much love, but do you honestly think Michigan State and Missouri are the 5th and 6th best teams in the country? I know you're smarter than that, and will take the home dogs in both games.
Big Pac-10 game this weekend. No! Not the Cal/Oregon State game. The USC/Oregon game! Now just think if Petey were still at USC. Would this game be the battle of the undefeated and these teams currently be two, top five teams in the AP? Ducks win it late. Lane hasn't proven he can win a close one (see Stanfurd and Washington).
Speaking of Bears, Riley will return to form on the road and Cal will lose a close one. Yes! They lose on one of his picks.
The Giants are half-way there. Anyone know where I can purchase a Giants hat?
"Wise Guy"
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